Forking shirtballs, The Good Place has the best replacement words.

Fuck, which becomes Fork.
Shit, which becomes Shirt.
Bitch, which becomes Bench.
Ass, which becomes Ash.
Dick, which becomes Deck.
Cock, which becomes Cork.

He should just be honest and said “this $1m is a mandatory payment to trump so that he exempts Apple from tariffs, no other reason”, of course, then it’s an obvious quid pro quo.