I’m in my early 30’s and I’ve literally always been curious about this. I’ve never in my life had the ability to feel sexual pleasure. I’ve never been on any meds or had any sort of traumatic experiences…it’s just the way I’ve always been even if I try. I’m old enough to say that I’m way beyond simply being a “late bloomer”. It’s just something I’ll never experience.
But it often feels like I’m missing a minor sense like taste or smell or something. Everyone has always raved about the taste of dessert, but I’ve never been able to understand or experience it. Can you describe it in detail it for me? Not just the mental part, but the physical part as well?
Thank you.
Sincerely, An Outsider
I can’t help you very much, but ironically it might help to ask this in an asexual community. There are probably people who asked the same question before you and had better luck.
It feels good physically, but sex is something much more emotionally, mentally, and socially important to me. It fulfills an intense desire for sexual intimacy and emotional bonding. I love to be touched, to intensely desire, and that intense desire matched by another for me. Feelings of fire and lightning deep inside, and bruises on the outside, pain, crying, and for a time my mind blank with bliss. For me, sexuality is a defining feature, I would not be me otherwise…
I would say however, if you are asexual and just don’t have these desires you aren’t missing out on much. Most of the benefits are “I get my needs fulfilled,” and if you live a satisfying life without having those needs to fill then there is not much lost, and maybe even something to gain.
I feel really sorry for people who are not attractive, because in today’s society, everything is about how attractive you are. You get more partners, friends, contacts, job offers… The human race are very animal-like in that way. And science tells people we are just animals, so why not act like animals, right?
This is a big topic so I won’t bore anyone, but everyones life has a higher meaning. If you are not attractive, don’t get depressed by that. Accept it and live your life as if you were. Do the things you want to do.
That word “attractive” is a bit loaded though. I think your right that society values attractiveness, but what individuals actually find attractive varies widely. Being intelligent or creative or bold can be attractive. To some being violent or unpredictable or vulnerable can be attractive. For many it all comes down to appearance, but even here there’s not one definition of beauty.
I was talking about appearance. Behavior varies a lot of course, and is very different for different genders or personalities what they like in the other person.
Still my point stands (in my opinion). Appearance is the single most important attribute for dating successfully. You cannot be ugly or you are out of luck.
It’s very agreed on what humans find attractive when it comes to looks. Nice skin, symmetric features, etc.
That’s really not true though. I have met so many people who are married that I would never be attracted to! And there are probably loads of people out there who would never be attracted to me or my spouse. The only thing that matters is that we’re attracted to each other.
But the fact that you use the phrase “dating successfully” like there’s a right way to do it… there isn’t. Relationships are messy, and attraction is really only a small part of the whole thing. Stop reading game theory or whatever, that’s the real reason you’re having a hard time.
I’m not reading game theory and I’m not talking about myself. I live with a woman for over 10 years now. But I’ve noticed how the landscape has changed and it’s more difficult now to date. I have colleagues that are just laughing about it. Some have given up completely.
I think you don’t notice the difference unless you are actively dating these days. Social media wrecked it.
If you are having sex with a woman it is necessary to be fully erect. This may require some hand manipulation by the female. If their body is attractive enough you can achieve a full erection just by looking at them. As you thrust into them you will quickly reach an edge point. If you want to last longer you break your rhythm of thrusting. When you resume you will eventually hit that edge and once you get there, there is no turning back. You will start to ejaculate. And it feels great. A release. Depending on who you are doing this with your brain will become like jelly for a few minutes. When you are all done you will feel great.
