Make it a good one.
Nahhh I’m not messing up my opportunity. Im going back in time and giving John Brown kamakazi drones just before he gets to Harpers Ferry.
Life will find a way. Going back can be used to create nuclear winter but even then, life will go on.
To completely screw over the world, I would go into the future and acquire the source code for a general AI.
Then the world can be locked down and robots can be built to abuse every human and sentinent being individually, for a very long time.
Well current events lead me to believe that allowing the orange turd to live would do the job nicely so in the spirit of laziness I’d do absolutely nothing.
Land the time machine on top of the first animal to walk on land. Don’t even have to get out of the machine.
I’d sink Cortez’s ship.
Go back from 2026 to 2024. Report a pet has gone missing and you heard that an immigrant neighbor ate it. Come back to 2026. Book your dream vacation at the Trump Gaza resort.
Go back in time and do something to prevent Vasily Aleksandrovich Arkhipov from becoming the Executive Officer on the B-59 Soviet nuclear sub in October 1962. He’s the guy who talked the Captain and the Political Officer out of launching the nukes when they thought they were being attacked by the US Navy during the Cuban Missile Crisis. His persuasiveness is generally considered to have avoided WWIII from starting then.
He probably literally saved the world, he should really be talked about more
The scary part is, he’s not the only one
You could also flip the switch that was literally the only thing keeping the nuke from exploding over North Carolina in the Goldsboro incident.
Nuke going off over US soil at the height of the cold war could very well have started everyone firing.
Shoot Arch Duke Ferdinand. Few people even now about it today, but he was subject to a horribly mangled assassination attempt that many scholars belive would have set off a major war in Europe had he died.
Holy crap it took way too long for me to realise what you’re doing
Procrastinate, the world is going down the drain just fine without my help.
You’re going to pretend we’re not on that timeline right now? I see your play, time traveller.
He did it.
The crazy son of a bitch did it.
Go back to before life formed on earth, and shit in the ocean.
It’s possible someone did, and that’s where we all come from
it would explain a lot
“Hey look! It’s the first fish to walk on land”
*stomps
“You saw it, it was coming right at us”
You would immediately die in agony. No oxygen and a lot more CO2 in the atmosphere
And upon said death he would immediately shit himself. Mission accomplished!
Also a climate so scorching hot we won’t ever see anything like it again before 2030.
And release an incredible cocktail of gut and other bacteria on the world to entirely change the course of history.
This was my first thought, too 😂
Who pissed in your gene pool? ^it <sup>was</sup> <sup><sup>me</sup></sup>^
I hate the ‘hate’ part (pardon the pun) of the question.
I’d rather go back in time and get Jesus and bring him back here so that he can go all ‘temple money changers’ on today’s MAGA Christians asses, give them a proper yelling to.
You think they’d listen to a random brown dude who couldn’t speak English?
If there’s a jesus with powers in the first place, he could do the holy spirit thing that happened after his death where the apostles proselytized by speaking in languages they (previously) couldn’t to people who couldn’t understand the native tongue.
Something tells me that if Jesus was ‘Jesussy’ enough, that they’d listen to him, regardless of skin color.
I genuinely doubt it. And if he was proven to be truly Jesus and kept saying that then US Christians would either say “He doesn’t understand the modern world” or reject him for some other contrived reason (i.e. he was corrupted by modernity, the machine caused him to lose his connection to God, etc…)
Christians are full of hate because they love hate.
Jesus-y? Or Jesussy? Those seem different.
😏
Jesus-y? Or Jesussy? Those seem different.
I’d say whichever one seems more like an adverb than a pronoun.
I’m sure he’d be deported and ignored if not put into an asylum.
Nah, when he uses his Jesussy powers he’d stare them down quick like, and they’d beg for forgiveness.
All hail…the Jesussy
All hail…the Jesussy
Well, for what it’s worth, it’s meant as an adverb, and not a pronoun.
But I don’t think Jesus would mind, either way.
I want to watch this series.
Jesus the time traveler tells off assholes.
The comedy series “Black Jesus” has some of that vibe, if I recall.
And yeah, it’s great.
I want to watch this series.
Jesus the time traveler tells off assholes.
I’m not religious by nature, but yeah, definitely would sub for that series, for sure.
Wait until I’m about to die, then go back to when the first land-dwelling animals first started coming ashore. I’d bring a bunch of cockroaches with me and then I’d die there. Either the roaches or my decaying corpse will hopefully cause enough change to the timeline that humanity never develops in the first place.
I think that’s the most I could screw over the (human) world.
Can I appear anywhere? Pop into white house or Kremlin during the Cuban missile crisis and say: I’m from the future, you must attack, or… Then travel back to the future without finishing the sentence.
Go to back to the big bang. You presence alone will butterfly effect the earth out of existence.
